Article by Deedee Myers

Keeping the Spark AliveBy Deedee Myers

See and touch each other upon awakening and arriving home. Connect through the eyes even if it is for a few seconds. Never leave the house without an embrace and speaking words of care; even if you are just going to the grocery store. Stay in this practice so it happens naturally!Create and live relationship values using the Value Cards created by The Advancing Leadership Institute. Take a night or day away from the family to have this conversation. Select five values and write out how you both will know they are embodied. For example, if you select Romance as a value you might define this as spending one night a month with only you and your partner at home or away together. Print, frame and display the values in a visible place. Invite family and friends to witness speaking the values to each other; have a celebration. Be fit together. Exercise together. Plan and prepare nutritious meals. Light a candle on the dinner table several nights a week. Play mood setting music in the background. Do daily “check-ins” with each other. This can be spoken as a mood, sensation or emotion. For example, “I am tired yet looking forward to today.” Or, “I feel lost.” Other check-in examples are “I feel sluggish and am trying to find more energy.” “I am enthusiastic and happy.” “I am busy yet not overwhelmed.” “I see possibilities.” Take moments for each other. Invite your spouse to the window or door to watch dawn break or the sun set. Put your arms around each other. While preparing to rest in the evening rub your partners’ hands or feet with lotion to create a warm soothing sensation. Notice how this space feels to you. Speak the virtues of your partner in front of others including the children. Notice how this act shifts your mood. Write a poem describing how you see your partner as a lover, friend and parent. See each other as humans; not blurs in the everyday rush. Slow down, here and there, and touch each other on the arm, back or face. See the goodness of yourself in your partners’ eyes. Notice what is produced in you with this act. Write and leave love cards or notes in unexpected places in unexpected times: briefcase, diaper bag, purse, glove box, dresser drawer, bathroom counter, car, suitcase and pillow are great. Add a bottle of scented lotion, a flower or a piece of chocolate.Converse on what intimacy means to both of you and how you want it as a part of your life. Clarify desires, feelings and needs regarding intimate time together as a place of renewal. Two excellent resources are Good Vibrations in Berkeley and San Francisco and 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex by Laura Corn.Copyright DDJ Myers, Ltd. 2007Deedee Myers is a certified executive and leadership coach with 16 years expertise in recruiting and competency development for financial firms. She founded DDJ Myers, Ltd. and the Advancing Leadership Institute to work with boards, executives, managers and supervisors to develop leadership cultures.</font>

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